Speaking Truth with Grace: Lessons from Leadership and Life
May I be vulnerable with you for a moment? I promise there’s a point to it.
Over the summer, I had my first Reiki session. In the session, I felt an overwhelming amount of energy in my throat chakra, the center of truth, communication, and expression. For me, that landed heavy. I’m a professor, workshop facilitator, and professional speaker. My life and career revolve around using my voice, whether that’s in the classroom, on a stage, or through my online presence.
Naturally, you might assume I never struggle to speak up. However, in my sincerest vulnerability, I must admit that there are times when I struggle to strike a balance between honesty and directness, grace and understanding. On the one hand, I’ve always been careful with my words, ensuring I don’t shame others the way I learned to internalize shame growing up. On the other hand, I recognize that my restraint sometimes keeps me from saying what needs to be said.
It’s important that we, as leaders, professionals, educators, and anyone trying to thrive in life and work, spend some intentional time reflecting on this. So let’s get started.
The Balance Between Intention and Impact
As a professional development facilitator, I often discuss the importance of intentionality. Words carry power. They can affirm, uplift, and transform, or they can wound, discourage, and silence. That’s why I work hard to choose words with care.
But here’s the other side of the coin: sometimes being too careful creates silence where there should be truth. It creates tolerance when there should be accountability. In leadership and in personal growth, there comes a time when saying nothing can actually cause more harm than saying something hard but necessary. There are times when being indirect doesn’t carry the same weight as taking a deep breath and releasing the truth (respectfully, of course).
The play A Strange Loop put it beautifully: “If you’re not scared to write the truth, then it’s probably not worth writing. And if you’re not scared of living the truth, then it’s probably not worth living. Do you understand?” The same goes for speaking. If the truth weren’t hard, maybe it wouldn’t be worth saying.
Shame Isn’t Always Ours to Carry
Here’s another honesty moment: There are times I’ve avoided speaking truths in certain spaces because I didn’t want to deal with pushback, retaliation, or criticism. It can be hard to speak up, and yes, there often is a time and place. But what if it’s the right time and place and you still feel stuck? You’re concerned about impact because you know that impact is greater than intention, but whether you speak up or not, you fear someone will be harmed (either the receiver of what you say, or yourself for holding it in).
Here’s what I’m working to teach myself: shame isn’t always about us. Sometimes, when truth hits a nerve, it reveals the other person’s work, not ours. When we hold back from saying what needs to be said, we unintentionally protect others from confronting their own growth. That’s not leadership; that’s fear disguised as kindness.
As professionals, therapists, educators, leaders, and potential role models in our fields, we have a responsibility to speak with grace and courage. Our voice can be both compassionate and uncompromising, gracious yet accountable.
Speaking with Grace, Love, and Courage
So how do we say what needs to be said without falling into the trap of shaming others? By grounding our truth in grace, love, fairness, courage, and compassion.
Grace reminds us that mistakes and growth are part of the human journey.
Love reminds us that our words should come from a place of wanting better for ourselves and for others.
Fairness reminds us that shame does not lead to meaningful change.
Courage reminds us that truth is rarely easy, but it is always necessary.
Compassion reminds us that we are all living life for the first time and doing the best we can.
As a motivational speaker and professional development facilitator, I’ve seen how transformative this balance can be. In workshops, I challenge participants to practice courageous conversations. In classrooms, I encourage students to lean into discomfort. And in my own life, I continue to practice honoring both my intention and the potential impact because, let’s be honest, I’m human too.
Call to Action
If you’re ready to step into your own voice, whether in the workplace, in leadership, or in your personal life, I’d love to support you. Through my keynotes, workshops, and professional development sessions, I create spaces for courageous conversations that foster growth.
Let’s work together to say what needs to be said with grace, love, and courage. Book me for your next event or explore my continuing education courses to begin your journey.
FAQs
Q: How do I know when it’s the right time to speak up?
A: The “right time” is rarely perfect. If silence is costing you peace, integrity, or alignment with your values, it’s time to speak respectfully, with care and courage.
Q: What if I’m scared of criticism?
A: This is normal. Sometimes criticism is less about you and more about the other person’s readiness to hear the truth. Anchor yourself in your values and remember: their reaction is their work, not yours. It’s also important to recognize that if you are giving feedback, you should be willing to accept some in return. Evaluate it with gracious authenticity and vulnerability. Consider the message and how it was delivered. You can learn a lot about yourself, the other person, and the person you want to be when you sit in your own discomfort and courageous vulnerability.
Q: How do you teach professionals to balance grace and honesty?
A: In my professional development workshops and speaking engagements, I use reflective exercises, real-world scenarios, and my four-part framework for critical self-reflection: Create Space, Challenge Assumptions, Honor Complexities, and Make a Choice.
Q: Can these lessons apply outside of work?
A: Absolutely! Whether it’s in your family, friendships, or community, learning how to speak truth with love and compassion is a skill that transforms every relationship.
Q: How can I learn more?
A: If you’re not quite ready to book me for your next event, consider registering for my continuing education course “I’m Human Too: Navigating Values, Ethics, and Morals in a Politically Contentious Environment.” Within the course, we take a deep dive into value-driven behaviors and decision-making, and we use Kingian nonviolence as a case study to explore how situational differences impact our ability or comfort in taking action.
