Releasing Perfectionism: How to Redefine Boundaries and Take Up Space

Last week, I facilitated a professional development workshop on joy and taking up space. After a couple of days, I reviewed session evaluation responses and, in response to areas of improvement for the workshop, one respondent shared “how to take up space in a system that rewards perfection, banks on competition, and reinforces performance over personal wellbeing.” I immediately resonated with this, not only because the next workshop focuses on workplace dynamics, but because I was reminded why we need to release the idea that there is a singular best or correct way to do something. 

The belief that there is “a right way” is what keeps so many of us trapped in cycles of perfectionism, comparison, and burnout.

I know because I’ve lived it. In my own journey, I’ve learned that boldly being my authentic self sometimes means standing firm in environments that don't understand or even support me. It’s not easy, but every time I choose my way instead of the “expected” way, I build more freedom, peace, and fulfillment into my life.

The Trap of “The Best Way”

When we're in environments that reward perfection, bank on competition, and reinforce performance over personal wellbeing, it’s natural to evaluate ourselves based on quantifiable outcomes and efficiency. The pressure to find “the best way” or to “do things correctly” can show up not just in our workplaces where we’re expected to perform a narrow version of professionalism, but also in our relationships where we’re told how to communicate or set boundaries “properly,” and even in personal growth spaces where step-by-step formulas promise transformation if we follow them correctly.

I said it in a recent social media post, and I’ll say it again here: perfectionism is subjective and based on the perspective of the observer. Just like in a recent conversation I had with my undergraduate social work students, professionalism is also subjective and subject to the interpreter.

Whether I am in the classroom, in professional development workshops I lead, or sometimes simply in my own head, I hear this anxiety often. People want a roadmap, a checklist, and a guaranteed path to success, acceptance, and respect. But real life doesn’t work that way. There is no universal correct way; there’s only your way.

While that may sound scary or even a little cliché, it can also be freeing. Letting go of the idea of a singular correct path requires trust in yourself, your values, and your capacity to figure things out even when others don’t understand your choices. It gives you the power to be authentically you and, from my experience, there’s not much better than that!

My Journey Toward Authenticity

As a Black woman with a history of multiple forms of abuse (i.e., neglect, verbal and mental abuse, molestation, and intimate partner violence), I constantly felt that I had to fit into a mold. As a Black person, I was taught that I had to work twice as hard to get half as far. As a woman, I was socialized to be graceful, nurturing, thoughtful, and soft. As a Strong Black Woman, I was conditioned to be tough, independent, resilient, and self-sacrificial. Thanks to my trauma history, I learned that living up to my perception of other people’s expectations was the only way to keep myself safe. I believed my credibility depended on being polished in a way that left little room for criticism, vulnerability, or my full, complex, and complicated self. I worked hard to present myself like the “experts” around me, subconsciously realizing that in trying to mirror their path, I was sacrificing what made me unique. 

The turning point came when I became fed up with forcing myself to fit into spaces that no longer served me. In an undergraduate internship, I was penalized for not having the necessary experience instead of being graded on the effort I was putting in to perform in a placement that was typically reserved for second-year graduate students. At one of my places of employment, I was reprimanded by a colleague for wearing clothes that “[I’ve] outgrown” and told not to wear my culturally-appropriate headwraps and to instead “take that rag off [my] head because it’s not an excuse for poor grooming habits.” To this day, I am undermined as looking like an undergraduate student instead of the multiple degree-holding and clinically licensed professional that I am, not because I am unprofessional, but because I do not fit into the mold of what they think an academic might look like.

I truly blossomed when I was completing my doctoral degree at Saybrook University. Saybrook’s humanistic value base is where I could safely practice adjusting my boundaries and allow myself to take up space unapologetically. I stopped shrinking my voice to fit into rooms that weren’t built for me. I stopped code-switching and sacrificing my safety to allow for someone else’s comfort. I stopped trying to live up to other people’s expectations of the positions that I held and instead started showing up authentically, sharing stories, using humor, speaking boldly, and holding space for complexity.

That’s when everything shifted. Audiences began to resonate not just with my message, but with me. My professional development workshops on authenticity, perfectionism, identity development, and restorative healing grew stronger because they were rooted in lived experience and not in chasing an impossible standard.

Redefining Boundaries on Your Terms

Letting go of “the best way” or “the correct way” is about redefining boundaries and success on your own terms. It’s about being unapologetically you. Maybe that looks like:

• Saying no to opportunities that don’t align with your values, even when others say it’s the “smart” move.

• Creating rest practices that work for your life, not copying someone else’s self-care routine.

• Speaking up in meetings in your natural style, instead of mimicking what you’ve been told professionalism should look like.

• Wearing clothes that are comfortable to you, and not just visually appealing or conforming to the externally sanctioned work aesthetic.

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. This work is hard. It takes courage, vulnerability, consistency, time, and a lot of baby steps. First and foremost, you must do what you need to do to keep yourself safe (but, devil's advocate will ask you how safe you are if you are not “allowed” to be your full self). Then you have to decide what you are willing to risk and what you are willing to sacrifice.

This is the kind of work we explore in my professional development speaking engagements. We use my 4-part Critical Self-Reflection Framework to challenge constructs, honor complexities, and make a choice. 

Unfortunately, there will always be environments that don’t understand your authentic, unmuted self. Remember, perfection doesn’t exist, and every environment is not meant for you (that’s why there are so many different environments to choose from). When you stop chasing perfection and start taking up space as your full self, you find environments that are willing to support, empower, and invest in you, and you give others permission to do the same. That’s how joy multiplies within us and around us.

Call to Action

Want to learn more about how to take up space? My professional development workshops and public speaking engagements focus on authenticity, boundaries, and values-driven leadership, creating environments where professionals can thrive as their full selves.

✨ Schedule a consultation today to learn how I can support you and your organization. There’s no single “best way,” but there is your way and that is always enough.

FAQ

1. Why is believing in “the one right way” harmful?
Believing in a singular “right” or “correct” reinforces perfectionism and discourages authenticity. It keeps professionals trapped in cycles of comparison instead of trusting their own path.

2. How do professional development workshops help with this?
My workshops create safe, reflective spaces where participants can explore their boundaries, challenge perfection-driven habits, and discover value-centered ways of working and leading.

3. What role does public speaking play in addressing these issues?
Through speaking engagements, I share real stories, strategies, and frameworks that encourage individuals and organizations to release harmful expectations and embrace authenticity.

4. How can organizations benefit from this approach?
Teams thrive when individuals feel free to take up space and lead authentically. The result is greater creativity, stronger collaboration, and a healthier workplace culture.

5. What makes your workshops and keynotes different?
I combine lived experience, academic expertise, and an engaging, approachable style. My sessions are interactive, empowering, and designed to create lasting impact, not just inspiration in the moment.

6. How can I learn more about taking up space?

The best way to dive deeper into this topic is to experience it in community. I design professional development workshops and speaking engagements that explore taking up space, setting boundaries, and embracing authenticity in performance-driven environments. If you’d like to bring this conversation to your team or organization, book a consultation with me to coordinate an event tailored to your needs.