You’re Resting Wrong: 6 Mindsets that Make Rest Less Effective (part 2)
Last week, I posted Part 1 of this blog examining how perfectionism, achievement, and quantity (or better said, scarcity) mindsets impact the benefits of rest. I am excited to continue with Part 2 this week by sharing how productivity, comparison, and performance can also unintentionally impact how we rest.
Here we go!
Productivity: How Much You Can Accomplish and How Rested You Feel
I’m calling it out. If you're measuring the effectiveness of your rest based on how much you can accomplish when resting or how rested you feel afterwards, you are approaching rest with an unhelpful mindset. Focusing on metrics, outcomes, and evaluations (like tracking sleep scores, personal records, the number of pages or chapters read, etc.) not only takes the fun out of rest (because it’s achievement by another name), but it also causes us to feel discouraged when our rest doesn’t provide instant relief. Think about it, if you are so focused on the outcome, how can you truly enjoy the activity? With this mindset, rest eventually becomes another task on our already overextended to-do lists.
Introducing a productivity mindset in our rest practices sets us up for disappointment because if we don’t feel immediately better after our rest session, we are liable to believe that rest doesn’t work. We are using our feelings as proof of effectiveness, but that is not the most valid measure. You can rest and still feel stressed. You can rest and still be angry, tired, or uninspired. Your emotions do not mean that your rest didn’t work, and resting is not wasted time just because it didn’t immediately fix your problem. Remember, rest isn’t always about getting better; sometimes it's about not making things worse.
If you identify with a productivity mindset, try these strategies:
Acknowledge delayed benefits of rest, recognizing that impact takes time to feel.
Separate your mood from the rest. You can rest and still feel stressed or tired. This is normal, especially if you are beginning your rest journey or recovering from burnout.
Stop collecting data as proof of your efforts. Instead, enjoy rest simply for the sake of rest.
Ask yourself, “If I didn’t measure this, how would I experience it differently?”
Comparison: Doing What Others Do and Assuming it will Automatically Work for You
Let’s be real, it’s 2026, who doesn’t have a favorite influencer(s)? When we’re really honest, and if I can be so bold, some people may even view me as an influencer, a rest guru, or, as I prefer to be identified, “The Rest Dr.” My social media presence on TikTok and Instagram is probably 90% focused on rest, what it is, and how to do it. But, I very rarely list specific activities or instructions on how to rest; and that, my love, is extremely intentional.
As frustrating as it can be, what is restful for one person is not necessarily restful for all. So if you are turning to social media to create or judge your rest and self-care routines, it could be that you are resting wrong. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with seeking inspiration from other sources. By all means, do this! But if you are doing what you see others doing and expecting it to automatically work for you, you are experiencing the comparison mindset.
Rest is not prescriptive, and we must honor differences in personality, life experiences, trauma histories, neurodivergence, caregiving loads, and cultural contexts when we are exploring activities for rest. Prioritizing external expectations or directives over your own needs and trusting expertise over individualized intervention is why your rest may be less effective.
So instead of modeling your rest after others and then penalizing yourself for not achieving the same results, try these strategies the next time you choose to rest:
Conduct a rest inventory to assess what genuinely restores you.
Identify depletion patterns (cognitive, physical, relational, emotional, etc.) and then focus on resting in that dimension. You can also take a rest assessment at restquiz.com to give you a good starting point.
Experiment and be curious about what could work, recognizing that your interests and needs are liable to change.
Introduce new forms of restful activities and remember that rest should be aligned, not aspirational.
Performance: Creating an Image of Rest
It’s time for me to get vulnerable. When I was creating this workshop for Stanford University, I was preparing 5 unhelpful mindsets. I stumbled on this performance mindset and felt called out, so I knew I had to include it also.
Incorporating a performance mindset with rest looks like 1) feeling like you have to tell others that you rested, 2) needing to be acknowledged for resting, 3) resting to appear healthy or responsible instead of resting because you need it, 4) choosing to rest only in ways you can name, describe, or post, 5) avoiding rest that feels or looks lazy or self-indulgent, 6) bragging about how you rested, 7) resting in ways that protect you from judgment, and 8) resting only using tactics that you feel are popular and widely accepted.
I shared earlier that I coined myself as “The Rest Dr,” and since my social media platforms are all about rest, I do sometimes feel pressure to “prove” or post that I am resting; that I practice what I preach. But the truth is, this is the hardest content for me to create. I am comforted by this because when I am resting, I am truly resting (and therefore not thinking about content creation).
I, like many other people, still sometimes struggle with rest (and I likely always will). I am a high-achiever, a multi-hyphen professional, and I have ADHD. I like keeping busy and it is hard for me to sit still, so sometimes I feel like I need to prove that I am resting. But having a performance mindset hinders rest’s effectiveness because we get too caught up on pride, on the aesthetic, or we are too focused on how we will be perceived.
If you battle the performance mindset, please join me in using these strategies:
Shift your rest focus from presentation to experience.
Use critical self-reflection to question why you need someone else’s approval in the first place. (I can help with this; book your consultation here).
Practice resting in private without documenting or sharing it with others.
Practice forms of rest that you can’t justify, explain, or defend. (For me this looks like spending ample hours playing Candy Crush style games. I’m on level 13,344 on my favorite game; likely higher than that by the time this publishes.)
Final Thoughts and Call to Action
When it comes to rest, the three mindsets reviewed in this post all have something in common: the belief that it is appropriate to rest for appearance, not the experience. These mindsets imply that rest only works when you have instant proof of its effectiveness because you are following other people’s recommendations and then telling the world about it. This certainly is untrue.
So where do we go from here? First, if you haven’t already done so, be sure to read last week’s post, which examines how perfection, achievement, and quantity impact rest. Then, be sure to book me to curate a custom workshop for your agency or organization so we can dive into these mindsets on a deeper level. Not in a position to hire me for a professional development event? Instead, book a Pick My Brain session where I can work with you one-on-one through these topics because, as I shared in last week’s post, following these strategies may not lead to long-lasting results because they don’t address the root problem. To make meaningful change, we must get to the heart of why and how we developed these mindsets in the first place. That’s where I come in.
Using my 4-part Restorative Critical Self-Reflection Framework, I help high-achieving professionals and professionals managing burnout pursue transformative change in their thought patterns and behaviors, leading to meaningful healing. To book me for your next event, please click here or schedule a Pick My Brain session.
I want your rest to be as effective as possible and I am excited to support you in that process!
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean to be “resting wrong”?
Resting “wrong” doesn’t mean you’re failing at rest. It means your mindset about rest may be unintentionally making it less effective. When rest becomes conditional (i,e., based on performance, comparison, and productivity), it stops functioning as restoration and starts feeling like another task to manage.
My rest doesn’t seem to be helping. What should I do?
If your rest feels less effective, consider if you are influenced by productivity, comparison, or performance mindsets, recognizing that none of these mindsets are mutually exclusive. Prioritize engaging with rest for the enjoyment of the activity, not for the outcome.
How can organizations or teams learn more about effective rest practices?
I offer workshops and professional development sessions to help teams explore these mindsets together. Through structured reflection and discussion, participants can examine how their beliefs about productivity and worth influence their relationship with rest, and develop healthier, more sustainable approaches. To schedule a consultation or book me for your next event, click here.
I want to learn more but I’m not in a position to hire you for a professional development event. Do you have other options?
Yes! I have begun offering Pick My Brain sessions, which essentially are 60-minute, short-term, intensive coaching sessions. It is perfect for anyone who is looking for “quick” consultations whose concerns don’t necessitate therapy or long-term, expensive coaching packages. To get started, click here!
