You’re Resting Wrong: 6 Mindsets that Make Rest Less Effective (part 1)
Last month, I facilitated a virtual workshop with Stanford University titled, “You’re Resting Wrong: Why Your Rest is Less Effective.” I enjoyed the research and discussion so much that it inspired a recent miniseries on TikTok and Instagram. The response has been so amazing that I would be remiss not to share here as well.
Here are three of the six key mindsets that make rest less effective. (The remaining three will be discussed in next week’s blog, so stay tuned!)
Perfection: Needing to Rest Correctly
A perfectionistic mindset about rest (whether conscious or not) would believe that there is a singular correct way to rest. Said differently, if you feel like rest is about creating an aesthetic (i.e., having the perfect routine, environment, or making it “an experience”), if you feel anxious or defeated if your rest doesn’t go as planned, or if you have an all-or-nothing mindset like if you can’t do it right you won’t do it all, it could be that perfectionism is interfering with your ability to rest.
Perfectionism negatively impacts rest because the unnecessary pressure on the outcome (i.e., rest) makes it less likely that you will actually enjoy the process. Rest then becomes another high-pressure task on your to-do list.
Helpful strategies include:
Practicing unstructured, undefined rest
Naming your internal critic and reminding them to pipe down
Tapping into your inner child to explore awe, curiosity, and wonder without restriction
Achievement: Feeling that Rest is Something to Be Earned
If you follow me on social media or if you have read my previous blogs, you should know that I am adamant that rest is not something to earn. It is a required resource that acts as fuel.
An achievement mindset can be antithetical to rest because it includes waiting to rest until after you finish your task(s) or engaging in goal-oriented rest like resting primarily to increase productivity or sleeping to prepare for the next day’s responsibilities.
Using rest as a reward or to celebrate an achievement limits rest’s impact for several reasons. First, you may burn yourself out trying to finish task(s) under the auspice of being rewarded with rest afterward. You deplete yourself so much further by trying to finish something when you could just rest so you have the natural bandwidth to finish later. Second, an achievement mindset means that rest becomes contingent on productivity (which is why you feel guilty when you rest without “earning” it). Third, because we feel there is always more to do, rest is avoided or put off until later. Rest as a reward is harmful because there never seems to be time for it (but that’s only because you prioritize everything else before it).
Here’s how you can start overcoming the achievement mindset:
Increase your “unfinished work tolerance” or measure “finished” by some other means (i.e., energy, focus, time of day, etc.)
Replace earned rest with scheduled rest
Separate responsibility from worth
Rest before working on your goals or starting your day
Quantity: Having Enough Resources
Speaking of when you rest, have you ever avoided rest because you didn’t have as much time as you wanted? Or maybe you felt that you didn’t have enough energy, money, or other resources. A quantity mindset means your approach to rest is influenced by whether you feel you have adequate provisions for the rest to be worth it.
If you feel that rest requires large blocks of time, that it only counts when it’s full of luxury (i.e., vacations, spa days, retreats, girl days, or slumber parties), or that it competes with various responsibilities like caregiving, child rearing, leadership roles, or financial strain, then it could be that you’re approaching rest with the wrong mentality. I challenge you not to dismiss small moments of rest because they don’t feel big enough. I also empower you not to view chronic busyness and achievement as part of your identity. (I know; that one hurt me too).
Intentionally or unintentionally incorporating a quantity rest mindset doesn’t work because it causes you to make excuses for why you never rest. It’s important to remember that many of us rarely feel like we have everything we need or desire to rest. But rest isn’t about resources or how extravagantly we can rest. It’s about pausing to restore.
The next time you are ready to challenge your quantity mindset, try these strategies:
Challenge your workloads, responsibilities, and boundaries to ensure you are prioritizing appropriately and carrying a realistic load. Remember, rest isn't always about feeling better, but about carrying less.
Remind yourself that rest should be rhythmic, not sporadic or episodic. Doing less more often is better than doing more less often.
Be encouraged that limited resources provide opportunities for creative ideas. Make a list of free restful activities to engage in when money is limited. Examples may include dancing, visiting a museum, vibing to music, and drawing.
Practice micro-rest. Examples may be 60 seconds of intentional or box breathing, 5 minutes of stretching, or 10 minutes of sitting outside in fresh air.
Practice rest-stacking. Examples may include deep breathing in the car, taking candlelight showers for sensory rest, or listening to soothing music while cooking (instead of podcasts or learning activities).
Final Thoughts and Call to Action
When it comes to rest, perfectionism, achievement, and quantity mindsets all have something in common: rest is conditional. These mindsets imply that rest is only good when done correctly after completing tasks if you have the time and money for it. And this vehemently is untrue.
In this blog post, I shared three mindsets that make rest less effective and strategies to overcome each. But because I’m being 100% honest with you, I also have to share that the strategies I’ve included aren’t enough to break the cycle. To see long-lasting improvements, we must get beyond the surface presentation to understand the deeper implications of how and why we adopted these mindsets in the first place. This work is best done not through reading a blog, but through direct action.
To further commit to leading a healthy rest lifestyle, book me for your next professional development event where we can use my critical self-reflection framework to do a deep dive on any (or all) of these mindsets, how they developed, and how to overcome them. I want your rest to be as effective as possible, and I am excited to support you in that process!
P.S. Be sure to check back next week for the final three mindsets that make rest less effective. New blogs are typically released on Tuesdays at 10:00 a.m. EST.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean to be “resting wrong”?
Resting “wrong” doesn’t mean you’re failing at rest. It means your mindset about rest may unintentionally be making it less effective. When rest becomes conditional (i.e., based on perfection, productivity, or resources), it stops functioning as restoration and starts feeling like another task to manage.
My rest doesn’t seem to be helping. What should I do?
If your rest feels less effective, consider if you are influenced by perfectionistic, achievement, or quantity mindsets. Prioritize engaging with rest for the enjoyment of the activity, not for the outcome.
Why is it important for rest to be rhythmic?
Rest works best when it happens regularly rather than only after exhaustion. When rest is rhythmic (i.e., small, consistent pauses), it helps maintain energy and resilience. Waiting until you’re completely depleted before resting makes recovery harder and longer.
Why do deeper mindset shifts matter for rest?
Strategies like microrest or scheduling breaks can help, but long-term change requires examining the beliefs that shaped your relationship with rest in the first place. Many of these beliefs are rooted in cultural expectations around productivity, worth, and responsibility.
How can organizations or teams learn more about effective rest practices?
I offer workshops and professional development sessions to help teams explore these mindsets together. Through structured reflection and discussion, participants can examine how their beliefs about productivity and worth influence their relationship with rest, and develop healthier, more sustainable approaches. To schedule a consultation or book me for your next event, click here.
