You’ve Normalized Exhaustion So Deeply That Rest Feels Selfish—But Burnout Was Never Meant to Be Your Baseline

May I be vulnerable for a moment? This is a safe space, right? I know I talk a lot about rest, but it’s because I’m at a time in my life where exhaustion isn’t just an occasional visitor. It feels more like a constant companion, maybe even my bestie. I’ve been in this stage of my life for a long, long time (think yearsssss), and I’m tired, literally and figuratively. 

I’ve recognized that I’ve been conditioned to believe that being tired meant I was “doing enough,” and that running on fumes proved I was committed, successful, productive, and unstoppable.

But here’s the lesson I am choosing to internalize instead: burnout was never meant to be my baseline or my bestie (and it doesn’t have to be yours either).

Too many professionals, especially women balancing multiple roles, have been sold the lie that rest is lazy, selfish, or a privilege. It’s time that we request a refund. Cancel that warranty and return it to the sender because the truth is, if you want to thrive personally and professionally, reclaiming rest is non-negotiable.

How Exhaustion Became the Default

I remember being in graduate school, juggling work, research, internships, volunteerism, and life. My schedule was packed from 6 AM to midnight, and people would say, “Wow, you’re doing so much; you’re amazing!” But what they didn’t know was I was running on autopilot, smiling on the outside while slowly and silently collapsing inside.

I figured that once I graduated with my Master of Social Work degree (MSW) things would change. Unfortunately, they didn’t. I had gotten into the routine of being booked and busy, and overstimulation became my new normal. For the majority of my career I worked at least two, and sometimes as many as four jobs at one time. By January 2020, I was a full-time tenure-track professor, a part-time therapist, and a full-time doctoral student. I was presenting at professional conferences, publishing research, and impacting the lives of the next generation of social workers. I thought I was on top of the world! 

But that’s the trap: society rewards our exhaustion. The workplace celebrates long hours, friends and colleagues think you are amazing and someone to emulate and aspire to, leaders glorify “grind culture,” and social media tells us sleep is for the weak and unmotivated. Over time, exhaustion becomes our normal and burnout becomes our baseline (at least, that’s my experience). 

After over a year of maintaining those roles (professor, therapist, and student), I finally realized that my lifestyle was not sustainable. I was exhausted, depleted, burned out, apathetic, and ready to make a significant change even though I didn’t know how.

Why Rest Feels Selfish (But It’s Actually Strategic)

When I finally started prioritizing rest, I felt guilty. I resigned from my outpatient therapy practice. I practiced saying no. I started asking to be excused from meetings at work. I stopped pushing back on the sentiment that “better is the enemy of good enough” and instead learned to recognize that sometimes good enough is good enough. I’d lay on my bed doing nothing or playing mindless games on my phone for hours all while my brain whisper-shouted: “You should be working! You’re wasting time! Other people are doing more. You’re being lazy and it’s not even helping you feel better!”

As hard as it was, I learned to sit with the discomfort and the overwhelming guilt. I had to recognize that that guilt wasn’t mine; it was inherited from systems that profit from keeping us overextended. Rest feels selfish because we’ve been taught to measure our worth by productivity, but I knew what was waiting for me if I got up and started working. It was the same thing that caused me to lay flat out on my bed while my brain whisper-shouted all types of antagonizing pseudo-realities.

For over a year I focused on unlearning these “realities.” The journey even inspired my dissertation topic on achievement. In the challenging process of unlearning the lies we’ve been sold about meritocracy, hard work, productivity, and self-worth, often without recognition of the systemic injustices at play, I had to discover what it truly was all for. What was I trying to achieve and who was I achieving it for? Why does rest feel so antithetical to achievement and success?

Here’s the truth I’ve come to know as a motivational speaker on self-care and resilience, informed by my dissertational research:

• Rest is not selfish; it’s strategic.

• Rest restores creativity.

• Rest makes us better leaders, better caretakers, and better humans.

• Rest is restorative and rest is realistic.

This is why I speak on burnout prevention in my professional development workshops. Until we disrupt this cycle, we keep teaching the next generation that burnout is the price of success, but it’s not. When I give a keynote speech or facilitate a mental health workshop for professional women, I can’t show up as my best self if I’ve poured everything out without refilling. Neither can you.

Reclaiming Your Energy and Redefining Success

I want you to picture a life where you wake up not dreading the day, but excited for it. Where your work feels meaningful instead of draining, and where you actually have energy left over for joy, connection, and, most importantly, yourself.

This visualization is not a silly wish or an unrealistic hope. It’s what happens when you refuse to make burnout your bestie. Success doesn’t have to mean self-sacrifice. Thriving in life, work, and self requires unapologetically protecting your energy by setting healthy and realistic boundaries. 

And here’s the best part: when you model that shift, you give others the courage to permit themselves to do the same. When we normalize these behaviors, we inevitably decrease the innate guilt that comes with making a change. Whether you’re a leader committed to equity and inclusion, a professional navigating career demands, or someone simply seeking tools to reset, you deserve to thrive. Your image of a happy, balanced, well-resourced life is only a dream if you don’t start taking the small steps to turn it into your reality.

Call to Action

If this message resonates with you, I’d love to bring it deeper into your organization or community. I customize workshops, keynotes, and professional development trainings that help people disrupt burnout culture and create healthier pathways to success.

📩 Send me a message today to bring this conversation into your workplace. Because the holiday season and new year are coming. What’s a better gift than reclaiming energy, balance, and joy?

FAQs

1. Why does rest feel selfish?
Rest frequently feels selfish and unproductive because society rewards productivity. We’ve internalized the idea that slowing down makes us less valuable, but rest actually makes us more effective.

2. How can professional women avoid burnout?
Anyone can avoid or deter burnout by adhering to healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and attending mental health workshops for professional women that teach tangible tools for balance.

3. What role do leaders play in preventing burnout?
Leaders set the tone. By encouraging balance and modeling rest, leaders promote equity and healthier workplaces.

4. How can I bring Shayla to speak at my organization?
Simply reach out via the Contact Me page. I tailor workshops and keynote presentations to the unique needs of each audience.