Holding Ourselves (and Others) to the Same Standards: A Critical Self-Reflection Framework for Leaders and Professionals

What would the world be like if we held others to the same expectations we hold ourselves?

It’s such a simple question, but it can elicit a variety of powerful responses. When I ask questions like this during my presentations or workshops, I see heads tilt, brows furrow, and sometimes even a long pause that says, “Wow… I’ve never thought about it that way.”

As a public speaker, workshop facilitator, and social work educator, I weave critical self-reflection into everything I do, whether I’m leading a professional development workshop, facilitating a continuing education session, or standing on stage as a keynote speaker. Why? Because meaningful transformation doesn’t happen without intentional reflection.

To help guide that reflection, I created a 4-part framework that I bring into every room I facilitate. It’s simple, but powerful.

Step One: Create Space

Before you can reflect, you have to create space for it. Intentional self-reflection requires more than carving out a few minutes between back-to-back Zoom calls. It requires deliberately slowing down, taking a deep breath, and giving yourself permission to pause without interruption or urgency.

In my own life, I’ve learned that silence is an opportunity for answers. Early in my career, I was so focused on proving myself that I rarely gave myself time to think. As a result, and likely unsurprisingly, I am all too familiar with exhaustion and burnout. Slowing down and creating space changed everything. My growth and healing is immeasurable because of it.

That’s why in my professional development workshops I ask participants questions like: “What would it look like if you gave yourself as much grace as you give to others?” That pause alone can shift the energy in the room.

Step Two: Challenge Assumptions and Constructs

Once you’ve created space, the next step is to challenge unquestioned assumptions and question unchallenged constructs. It’s a mouthful, but it’s what distinguishes self-reflection from critical self-reflection.

Whether we are aware of it or not, we all carry conscious, subconscious, and unconscious assumptions about ourselves, others, and the systems we’re in. There are assumptions and constructs we’ve never thought to question because they’ve always “just been that way;” they are the norm. There are also the assumptions or constructs that we challenge in others but not in ourselves, or in ourselves but not others. By examining both, we open the door to growth.

Step Three: Honor Complexities

While questioning and challenging the status quo is at the heart of critical self-reflection, the key to this framework is honoring the complexity of experience. Life isn’t black and white, and neither are people. We are complex beings with intersectional identities and experiences. We have to hold space for all that we are and strive to be.

As you might imagine, I’ve worked with leaders who hold themselves to impossibly high standards while offering grace and compassion to their teams. I’ve also worked with professionals who expect perfection from others but never pause to reflect on their own accountability. Both scenarios require nuance, compassion, and exploration.

That’s why motivational and professional development workshops rooted in critical self-reflection are so effective. They remind us that growth isn’t about blame; it’s about balance. It’s about understanding the situation and the individuals involved and making intentional, accountable, and authentic decisions accordingly.

Step Four: Make a Choice

Finally, after creating space, challenging assumptions, and honoring complexities, we come to the final and most important step: make a choice.

Critical self-reflection without action is just theory, a mental exercise with little value. The real transformation happens when you decide to recalibrate, hold yourself accountable, extend grace, and commit to that choice over and over again. What, if anything, will you do differently? Regardless of whether you try something new or realize your current approach is best, either way, you are making a choice, and part of critical self-reflection is being aware of that.

So the next time you have a moment, ask yourself:

  • If I were to hold others to the same expectations I hold myself, what would the world be like?

  • What would it be like if I were to hold myself to the same expectations I hold others?

Really reflect on the standards and expectations you hold for yourself and for others. Recognize the nuances, challenges, strengths, and opportunities, and then make a choice. Keep making that choice, every single day.

Call to Action

The last quarter of the year is a perfect time to bring this framework into your organization. As we head into the holiday season, workplaces are balancing high demands with the need for rest, recognition, and recalibration, and the first quarter of the year is filled with opportunities to set the tone for change:

  • MLK Day (January): A time to reflect on justice, equity, and the power of holding ourselves accountable to the dream.

  • Black History Month (February): A season to celebrate complexity, challenge assumptions, and honor the richness of Black experience.

  • Women’s History Month (March): A moment to evaluate the standards placed on women and leaders, and how we can better support them.

If you’re planning programming for your team, your school, or your organization, now is the time to act. Bring me in to curate a transformative keynote, interactive workshop, or empowering continuing education session that will not only inspire your people, but also equip them with tools for meaningful change.

👉 Don’t wait until the calendar fills up. Let’s make intentional space for reflection, equity, and growth now. Book your consultation today.

FAQ

Q: How can critical self-reflection improve professional development?
A: It helps professionals uncover blind spots, challenge limiting beliefs, and make intentional choices that foster stronger leadership and more inclusive workplaces.

Q: What makes your workshops different from others?
A: I combine personal experience, academic expertise, and a 4-part framework that is simple yet transformative. Participants leave not only inspired but also equipped with practical tools.

Q: Why book a speaker now instead of later?
A: The end and beginning of the year are powerful transition points. Aligning a keynote or workshop with events like MLK Day or Black History Month ensures your audience gets timely and impactful programming.

Q: Can I use and teach Dr. Shayla Walker’s 4-part self-reflection framework with others?
A: Great question! My 4-part framework was created from years of professional experience, research, and practice, so it is my original intellectual property. While I encourage you to personally use the framework to deepen your own critical self-reflection, I ask that you do not teach, present, or publish it as if it were your own invention. If you’d like to introduce this process to your team, organization, or classroom, I’d be honored to facilitate a tailored workshop, keynote, or continuing education training. That way, the framework is applied with accuracy, integrity, and depth while protecting the originality of the model.

Previous
Previous

What is Rest to a Strong Black Woman?

Next
Next

You’ve Normalized Exhaustion So Deeply That Rest Feels Selfish—But Burnout Was Never Meant to Be Your Baseline