What is Rest to a Strong Black Woman?

What is rest to a Strong Black Woman (SBW)? That question has followed me in my personal life, clinical practice, and work as a professor, keynote speaker, and workshop facilitator. It came to a head when I was writing my dissertation on achievement. For many of us, rest is not as simple as pausing or taking a quick nap. Instead, rest is complicated and tangled in expectations, survival, history, and resilience.

As a strong, confident, Black female clinician with a PhD, I’ve learned that when society defines you as endlessly capable, resilient, and unbreakable, rest feels like rebellion. But I’ve also come to realize that rest is also restoration. Rest is required, especially if we want to thrive.

In this blog, I will briefly explore intersections between rest and the five core characteristics of the Strong Black Woman schema. I’ll also share personal reflections, professional insights, and practical strategies for shifting the narrative.

Rest and the Obligation to Manifest, Display, and Embody Multiple Forms of Strength

The Strong Black Woman schema originated during chattel slavery and, even though the Black community reappropriated the phrase several generations later, one thing remains the same: the pressures we place on Black women to be strong inherently override their humanity. While strength is an asset, strength without the ability to make mistakes, seek assistance, or even take a break, is dehumanizing. Always performing strength leaves little room for softness, stillness, or rest.

Over the past few years, I have worked to unlearn the idea that strength means carrying everything alone. Now, I define strength as putting the weight down, letting myself breathe, and remembering that my humanity, ability to say no, and willingness to be vulnerable make me whole. That’s why every time I’m asked to speak about rest or the Strong Black Woman schema, I emphasize that redefining strength is one of the first steps toward (re)claiming rest. True strength includes knowing when to pause and then actually doing it.

Rest and the Obligation to Suppress Emotion

“Don’t cry. Don’t show weakness. Don’t let them see you sweat.” Suppressing emotion is exhausting, and when we bottle everything up, we lose the peace that comes from being open and authentic.

Rest isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. Rest includes giving myself permission to cry without judgment, to laugh loudly, or to express my frustrations respectfully but without apology. Rest includes making space for emotions instead of constantly shutting them out.

For professionals, leaders, and organizations, embracing rest means normalizing emotional authenticity in the workplace. It means asking for feedback, embracing it, and making appropriate changes without taking personal offense. It means holding space for differing viewpoints and experiences and working collectively to ensure each employee has the resources they need to feel seen and heard.

Rest and the Obligation to Resist Vulnerability and Dependency

Vulnerability is often framed as weakness, but I’ve found it to be a form of strength and one of the most powerful forms of rest. Why? Because pretending you don’t need anyone takes more energy than asking for help.

Now that doesn’t mean asking for help is easy. I remember in explicit detail when I was walking my dog, feeling depleted while simultaneously reminding myself, “There is no such thing as depletion for a Black woman; we always find a way to push through and keep going on.” When my dissertation chair held me accountable for asking for help (and not just accepting it when offered), it was scary but, more importantly, freeing! Asking for help taught me that allowing yourself to lean on your circle, faith, and community is a form of restorative rest that refuels your spirit.

In organizational contexts, this looks like building cultures of belonging where vulnerability is honored. In my public speaking engagements, I help teams see that vulnerability isn’t a liability; it’s an asset that fosters trust and innovation. When people feel safe enough to share, express themselves, and receive support, productivity thrives!

Rest and the Obligation to Succeed Despite Limited Resources

Black women have historically had to do more with less- less pay, less recognition, fewer resources. The pressure to prove ourselves “worthy” by overproducing can turn rest into a luxury we think we can’t afford. Some studies have even shown that Black women view rest and inner peace as a privilege not accessible to Black women.

In my process of unlearning, I’ve taught myself that rest is not a reward for productivity; it’s a resource for sustainability. Even when resources are scarce, choosing rest can mean setting boundaries, prioritizing wisely, and refusing to pour from an empty cup (or letting it get empty in the first place).

In my professional development trainings, I work with participants to address systemic inequities while equipping individuals with strategies to thrive despite those challenges. Rest shouldn’t be seen as an obstacle when, in reality, it’s part of the solution.

Rest and the Obligation to Provide Self-Sacrificial Care

Caring for everyone else while neglecting yourself is one of the hardest cycles to break, at least for me. I know what it feels like to run on fumes while still trying to be everything for everybody else, leaving nothing for myself. I was grateful to do it because I loved them. But what about loving me?

In this sense, rest is self-preservation. Rest means reminding yourself, “I am not abandoning others when I choose to care for myself. In fact, by resting, I return stronger, more centered, and better able to serve.” This is why I say rest is not selfish. Rest is the practice that allows us to sustain our commitments without burning out.

Conclusion & Call to Action

So, what is rest to a strong Black woman? It’s permission, power, reclamation, and the choice to honor our humanity in a world that often demands our superhumanity.

If you are ready to (re)claim rest not just for yourself, but also for your workplace, your community, or your organization, this is the time. As we enter the last quarter of the year, organizations are already planning MLK Day commemorations, Black History Month events, Women’s History Month programs, and spring professional development initiatives. This is the perfect moment to bring my voice, framework, and expertise to your stage.

Book me now to speak at your event, facilitate a workshop, or provide continuing education. Let’s transform our thoughts about rest, resilience, and thriving together.

FAQ

Q: How do I learn more about the Strong Black Woman (SBW) schema?

A: I dive deeply into the SBW schema in my on-demand, ASWB-approved continuing education course, “We Are Tired: Supporting the ‘Strong Black Woman’ in a Therapeutic Relationship.” In this course, I unpack the schema’s five characteristics and provide strategies for supporting Black women in clinical practice. You can learn more and register here.

Q: Can rest really make me a better professional?

A: Absolutely! Rest sharpens focus, increases creativity, reduces burnout, and helps you show up as your best self. It’s not just personal; it’s professional.

Q: Do you speak on topics beyond rest?

A: Yes! My keynotes, workshops, and professional development programs also explore mental health, ethics, equity, belonging, leadership, and self-preservation. Every event is customized to meet the needs of your audience. To schedule a consultation, click here.